Right on Time: When the Voice in Our Head Says We Are Never Enough
Reading time: About 10 minutes (1,494 words)
Feeling incompetent or irrelevant is often a story we tell ourselves, and for Turbo Thinkers®, the real shift begins when we make space to shine in our own authentic way.
Feeling incompetent or irrelevant is often a story, not a fact. When we stop forcing ourselves to do things the way others do and make space to shine in our own authentic way, we move from shame about what we can't do to appreciation for who we are.
Happy ADHD Awareness Month! Yes, I know. We are more than halfway through October, and I am only now sending my wishes. How cliché that the ADHD coach is late to the ADHD Awareness party! The voice in my head has been shaming me for not jumping on this right away, for not having planned it all out in September. Who am I to say that I am a good ADHD coach when I can't even get my own act together? The imposter syndrome comes out strong.
This morning, I was in hyperfocus on the first draft of this piece. It is the first day that feels like fall in New Orleans, with blue skies and cool breezes. Instead of biking, I allowed myself to drive to yoga so I could keep writing. I looked up at the clock, jumped up to make it in the nick of time, and then... my car would not unlock. Oh no! The battery in the key fob was dead. I rushed back inside to search for my spare, and I found it! I was so proud of myself. Look how organized I had become!
Only, HA! Curses! Foiled again! This one was also dead. In fact, I had been using the spare these past few months, and now I had no way of driving. I had been looking forward to my favorite Ashtanga class all week. What to do? I jumped on my bike, pedaled furiously against the wind, and arrived late with my tail between my legs, embarrassed about having interrupted other people's flow. Again, the imposter syndrome. Who am I to say that I am a good ADHD coach when I can't even arrive to class on time?
Luckily, moving through my practice calmed my nervous system. I realized that I had honored what I needed: a quiet Saturday morning to write, something I truly enjoy. I had communicated this to others last night, politely declining an invitation to go out late, and I had gone to bed early. I had kept far away from my distracting phone all morning.
And yes, I am late to the ADHD Awareness party too. But you know what? I have spent the last few weekends traveling with friends and family to celebrate their birthdays with an assortment of adventurous outdoor activities, without my computer, totally unplugged, and focused on them. In both cases, I was living in alignment with my own values, being my authentic self. In both cases, I was bringing value to others too. That is a story that serves me much better than the mean girl whispering in my ear that I am not ever enough.
I hear this same voice in my coaching sessions. Many of my Turbo Thinker® clients are brilliant high achievers involved in multiple projects with diverse interests. And yet so many arrive with the same story playing in their heads: I'm not productive. I always get distracted. I never get anything done. All we can see is the unfinished to-do list. Add today's headlines about AI, and the story grows new chapters: AI can do my job. AI will replace me. I'm no longer relevant.
This can activate our rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and our negativity bias, launching our catastrophizing skills into high gear. Underneath it all is something deeply human. We need to belong. We want to feel loved, appreciated, and accepted unconditionally.
As a coach, I often notice a misalignment between perception and reality. There may be one dramatic, dopamine-inducing story in my client's head, while I hear a different story in the facts they share. Together, we explore other possibilities. What else might also be true? What facts don't we know yet? What story might serve us better? As Turbo Thinkers®, we like to think we are fortunetellers and telepaths. In fact, we are storytellers.
A while ago, a young woman I'll call Maya came to me with her dream job in mind. Maya is an artist, and after weeks of coaching, she landed a full-time position as technical co-lead in an art studio, with time and resources to create her own work in a community of fellow artists. Then imposter syndrome arrived. Maya had known the tech lead since art school, and even then he was "ahead" of her. Aloof and confident, he communicated little and seemed to simply "know" what to do. Who am I to have this job? she asked herself.
She struggled to learn as his apprentice. He didn't talk through his process or document anything. So Maya began building systems for herself by talking with the rest of the studio team. Over the following weeks, she created procedures and manuals where none had existed. The studio had no contract or written rules for renting studio space, so Maya gathered input from the team and put the rules in writing.
As she shared what was happening at the studio, I heard a different story from the one in her head. She noticed the team kept coming to her. She was the one with the people skills, the patience, and the willingness to listen and collaborate to solve problems. Then she realized: I bring value. She could see herself as a team leader who brought people together and an operations manager who created systems and processes. Her policies and procedures made the studio more professional and gave the whole team something reliable and grounding.
What happens when a task can be done by AI? Is replacing a task the same as replacing a job, or a person? What if we let go of our attachment to the tasks our brains resist, and found creative ways to automate, delegate, collaborate, or eliminate them? What if, instead of asking how to make ourselves push through, we asked how we can make space to shine?
Another client, whom I'll call Renée, works in a client-facing role in the corporate world. She enjoyed her job, but one part of it filled her with dread: the reports. Tedious, laborious, and time-consuming, they were the task she put off, and the procrastination came with an emotional hurdle and the self-loathing that followed the avoidance.
Then Renée began using her company's AI tool to help generate her reports. Not only did she save time, she also spared herself the dread and the self-loathing. Her days took on a lightness and buoyancy. It almost felt too easy. This feeling was unfamiliar, and the voice in her head suggested she ought to feel guilty about it. When her boss singled her out as an expert user, fear set in. If AI was doing her reports, was she becoming irrelevant?
As we explored the facts together, a different story emerged. Being singled out was a form of praise. Renée was being celebrated as a role model for others in her department. In our sessions, she learned to embrace the ease and lightness so she could enjoy her life more, both in and out of work. With her freed-up time, she could focus on building relationships with her clients, her true strength and the part of her job she enjoys most. Rather than hiding behind spreadsheets and reports, she now spends her energy creating trust and connections that strengthen her clients' loyalty.
Maya and Renée both came to coaching believing they were falling short. Maya felt incompetent because she couldn't be exactly like her lead and stay one step ahead of him. Renée carried dread and shame around a task she couldn't make herself do, and then guilt when it suddenly became easy. Like me this morning, pedaling against the wind, they were listening to the voice that whispers we are never enough.
What they discovered was the value they had been bringing all along. Maya's warmth brought her whole team together, and her skill for documenting turned that collaboration into systems that made the studio more professional. Renée's ease freed her to do what she does best: building trust and connection with her clients. What if that is all any of us need? Not to become someone else, but to make space to shine as ourselves.
So, Happy ADHD Awareness Month, my fellow Turbo Thinkers®. Maybe I am late. Or maybe I am right on time.
What if the voice telling us we are falling short is just one story among many?
How might we make space for what we do best, instead of forcing ourselves through what drains us?
What would change if we appreciated ourselves exactly as we are today?
What else might be true?
Where can we make space to shine?
How can we appreciate ourselves today?
As President of the ADHD Coaches Organization (ACO), I'd like to share ADHD Awareness Month: a free, science-based resource created by a worldwide team, available year-round in several languages. Their social media offers daily posts that you can easily share with your friends and family. Please pass it on to your health care providers too!
A fun and useful free event for ADHD Awareness Month
https://add.org/body-doubling-events/
"Right on Time" is a blog post by Adela Baker, ADHD coach and founder of Mind Coach, LLC in New Orleans. Written in the second half of ADHD Awareness Month, the post opens with two dead key fobs and a late bike ride to yoga, then follows an artist and a corporate professional who moved from feeling incompetent or irrelevant, including fears about AI, to recognizing the value they bring. Written for Turbo Thinkers® learning to trade shame for self-worth.
Read more about Reframing Self-Doubt and Imposter Syndrome in my blog post: "Eaten By Love: Why It Feels Wrong When Things Get Easier”: https://www.mind-coach.com/journal/eatenbylove