Living Big: What If Balance Isn't What We Really Need?
Many clients come to me seeking more balance in their lives. They feel stuck and trapped, expending all their time and energy into one category when in fact, they lead multilayered lives. Balance sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Responsible. Like the "right" thing to pursue.
But I had one session recently with Angela that made me question everything we think we know about balance.
Angela had just gotten used to her empty nest and was expanding her business in exciting new directions (that entrepreneur's thrill of growth and possibility). She was enjoying weekends and time alone with her husband, savoring that freedom, when two of her adult daughters moved back home after college. How was she going to run her business, care for her family, nurture her relationship, and maintain her own personal care? All of these felt equally important to her. She knew that "doing the right thing" would give her a sense of calm, confidence, and control.
But what surfaced over the course of our conversation was something unexpected—a feeling of constraint. While she did seek balance, something felt wrong. She felt confined by the very thing she thought she wanted.
"I said I wanted balance," she told me, her voice shifting. "But do I really?"
Then she said something that changed the entire conversation: "What if I could replace balance with big? I want more and more in my life. I want big."
The Question Beneath the Question
Here's what I've been noticing: when we say we want balance, what we're really saying is that the scale is tipped toward what drains us. We're all in with work, kids, chores, and other adult obligations—all in on the activities that deplete us. We want balance because we're actually craving the activities that uplift us and recharge us. The things that make us feel alive.
Our Turbo Thinking brains crave novelty and require safety in order to experiment and play. Maybe we're craving dancing. Maybe we're craving a new business, new friendships, new hobbies, movement, laughter, and connection. We speak often of the luxury of time, as if we need to earn it first. But what if time for what fulfills us isn't a luxury at all? What if it's a foundational prerequisite to our well-being?
We are worthy and deserving of the time spent on what uplifts and fulfills us. Not someday. Not after we've checked all the boxes. Now.
The Hidden Cost of "Doing the Right Thing"
Here's the uncomfortable truth: balance can become a prison of moderation. We split the difference, avoid extremes, stay comfortable. We do "the right thing" as defined by others—our families, our culture, our internalized critics.
There's a cost to this. We're constantly trimming ourselves down, managing our desires, keeping our voice at an acceptable volume. We mistake this constraint for virtue, this smallness for wisdom. Balance doesn't allow room for hyperfocus. It doesn't allow us to go all in. It doesn't allow for total immersion. Balance is a little bit of everything, but it's not all of something.
If your child or someone you love came to you with a dream (something that made their eyes light up), would you tell them to do less? To be less? To make themselves smaller so they don't inconvenience others or step outside expectations? Of course not. You'd say, "Go for it! I believe in you!"
But we struggle to give ourselves that same permission. We hold ourselves back in ways we'd never dream of holding back the people we love.
What If We Went Big Instead?
What if we took the scale in a different direction entirely? Not toward hedonism and self-indulgence, but not tiptoeing either. What if we could go all in on what inspires us, on what drives us, what brings us genuine joy?
What if we could build the new business instead of just a side hustle? What if instead of painting a miniature, we could paint a mural? What if instead of decorating the small Christmas tree, we could decorate the tree in the front yard? What if instead of moving to a different neighborhood, we could move to a different country?
I asked Angela: "What might big look like?"
As we explored this together, something shifted. "Balance now starts to feel restrictive," she said. "Where big feels free."
Where do you feel small right now? Where do you feel limited? What might big look like for you? What might big feel like?
She suddenly realized that she didn't have to do everything herself. By going big (by giving herself permission to expand her business the way she truly envisioned it), she could find ways to collaborate, delegate, automate, and eliminate.
She could let the kids help with cooking and laundry. She could let her husband organize weekend activities. She could let AI handle administrative tasks more quickly and with less emotional drain. She could let her friend schedule the group workouts. Suddenly, time opened up. Not through perfect balance, but through bold, intentional choices about what mattered most.
"Big feels like being a leader of myself," Angela told me. "Being empowered. I was restricting it with this perspective of balance."
Big Doesn't Mean Selfish
When Angela first started thinking about making these changes, she worried about being selfish. This is where so many of us get stuck. We confuse living big with being irresponsible or self-indulgent.
But living big isn't about abandoning responsibility or acting without regard for others. In fact, it's quite the opposite. When we make decisions in line with our deepest values, when we pursue what genuinely matters to us, we show up more fully for everyone in our lives.
This isn't about maximizing short-term pleasure or ignoring consequences. It's about asking: What is the greatest expression of my values? What is the greatest expression of myself?
Angela wasn't choosing herself over her daughters. She was choosing to model something crucial for them. "What do I want them to learn just by observing me?" she asked herself. "That it's okay to say no sometimes. To make choices with confidence. To not carry the burden of expectations just because. I want them to live with authenticity—to do things because they want to, from a values place."
She realized: "I don't want my girls to live small lives according to what society tells them they should be. I want them to step into their greatness. And in order to do that, I have to step into my own greatness first."
Living big AND living responsibly aren't opposites. They're two sides of the same coin when we're clear about our values.
The Full Weight of Your Authentic Expression
To be big means to live fully, intentionally, and expansively. It allows us to take risks and not live guarded or numb. It allows us to say "I love you" without hedging. To pursue dreams without shrinking from fear or doubt. To not wait for "someday," for perfect conditions that will never arrive.
Living big means risking the full weight of your authentic expression. It's choosing the career that terrifies you because it matters, not the safe one that just looks good. It's loving with your whole heart even though you might get hurt. It's speaking the truth that needs speaking, even when your voice shakes. It's pursuing the art, the mission, the relationship, the adventure that calls to you—not because it will be easy, but because not pursuing it would be a betrayal of who you are.
This kind of bigness requires courage precisely because it's risky. You might fail spectacularly. You might disappoint people. You might discover you were wrong. But you'll be alive in a way that balance never permits. You'll know yourself. You'll have stories etched in real experience rather than hypotheticals whispered in regret.
By the end of our session, Angela was thinking differently about her whole situation. "I feel more in big," she told me, smiling. She had come in looking for balance and left with something far more powerful: permission to lead her own life, to be the pilot of each day, to live from choice rather than expectation.
Three Coaching Questions
What would I choose if I were living big?
What expression is seeking to emerge through me?
What does my big look like today, this week, this month?
Living big is answering those questions honestly, and then having the audacity to act on the answers.